The Far Exit




A Bulbous Salutation to Morrissey

Some of you may know Morrissey. He had a string of hits in the 1980s with The Smiths (‘This Charming Man’, ‘Girlfriend in a Coma’, etc.) and later as a solo artist (‘Interesting Drug’, ‘We Hate It When Our Friends Become Successful’, etc.). What you may not know is that he wrote a novel, List of the Lost. And a scene in that novel won the 2015 Literary Review’s Bad Sex in Fiction Award. Accordingly, we present that winning scene (one sentence) for your enlightenment: Continue reading “A Bulbous Salutation to Morrissey”

Latest Diet Fad Involves Less Calories and More Exercise

Hollywood starlets, runway models and soccer moms have all caught onto the latest way to lose weight: less food and more exercise. Continue reading “Latest Diet Fad Involves Less Calories and More Exercise”

Ankles Lifts are Latest Cosmetic Surgery Trend

Ankles lifts have become the third most popular plastic surgery after breast implants and butt augmentation, a report by the U.S. Plastic Surgery Association states. Continue reading “Ankles Lifts are Latest Cosmetic Surgery Trend”

GE to Relocate Headquarters to the Moon in Tax Inversion Scheme

Having paid a distressing 0.9% federal tax rate in 2014, General Electric has decided to set up its corporate headquarters on the moon, where there are no taxes at all. Continue reading “GE to Relocate Headquarters to the Moon in Tax Inversion Scheme”

Congress to Bring Back Indentured Servitude

With the elections getting prohibitively expensive, aspiring congressmen are now signing Indentured Servant contracts with their campaign contributors. Widely employed in the 18th century when the poor of Europe would sign a contract to work off their passage to America for a number of years before becoming free, the country has returned to these glory days of yore at the U.S. Congress. Continue reading “Congress to Bring Back Indentured Servitude”

Madonna Begins Viagra Tour

In an effort to accommodate her aging fan base, the 57-year old pop singer has changed her tune. In her new Viagra tour, Madonna seems less interested in pushing buttons and breaking sexual taboos than in fiber supplements and reading glasses. Continue reading “Madonna Begins Viagra Tour”

Cannibal Confirms Spam Tastes Like Humans

Writer Paul Theroux’s supposition that former cannibals eat Spam because it tastes like human flesh has been confirmed by ex-cannibal, Maku Ubu Ruru-Stevenson. Continue reading “Cannibal Confirms Spam Tastes Like Humans”

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