Currently seeking Phase 3 approval from the Food and Drug Administration (FDA), a new drug called SUFFEREX® boasts a multitude of side-effects with no known benefits.

“We haven’t found an application for SUFFEREX® yet, but we’re certain from the number and nature of the side-effects that there must be something it’s good for,” said a spokesman from Johnson & Peter, the drug’s developer.

Side effects for SUFFEREX® include the loss of hearing, smell, vision, touch, taste and/or consciousness, green saliva, pink mucus, black urine, tar-like stools, growth of hair in unusual places, kneecap palpitations, and sudden death.

“The initial cost of SUFFEREX® is $1.99 per pill, but if we can find any need for it, we’ll shoot that price up to $800.00 per pill as soon as possible,” the spokesman added.

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