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Congress to Bring Back Indentured Servitude

With the elections getting prohibitively expensive, aspiring congressmen are now signing Indentured Servant contracts with their campaign contributors. Widely employed in the 18th century when the poor of Europe would sign a contract to work off their passage to America for a number of years before becoming free, the country has returned to these glory days of yore at the U.S. Congress. Continue reading “Congress to Bring Back Indentured Servitude”

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Benghazi Committee to Waterboard Hillary Clinton

After aggressively questioning Hillary Rodham Clinton for more than 8 hours on Thursday and generating no new information, the Select Committee on Benghazi has decided to waterboard the former First Lady in the next round. Continue reading “Benghazi Committee to Waterboard Hillary Clinton”

Trump Courts Kate Upton as Trophy VP

NEW YORK – Donald Trump has been talking with Kate Upton about a potential role as a Vice Presidential candidate. “Look, she’s a good looking girl,” says Trump. “Some women just have it. You can use all the handlers in the world, but you can’t coach hot.” Continue reading “Trump Courts Kate Upton as Trophy VP”

Donald Trump’s Game of Thrones

Tyrian Trump slowly climbed the cold stone stairs of Trump Tower, pausing every ten steps or so to catch his breath. The master mason had used the typical measure for the rise between the stair treads, which made progress particularly difficult for Tyrian, who stood only about half the height of a tall man. Continue reading “Donald Trump’s Game of Thrones”

Hillary Clinton’s Game of Thrones

Cersei Clinton looked out from her balcony at the high stone wall of the Traitor’s Walk. A row of decapitated heads set on iron spikes rose from the top of the wall. Though dipped in tar to better preserve them, the heads were swollen and difficult to identify. But Cersei knew them all. Continue reading “Hillary Clinton’s Game of Thrones”

Scott Walker’s Game of Thrones

After supporting the idea of building a wall along the Canadian border, Wisconsin Governor Scott Kevin Walker walked into a Madison courtroom today and filed a petition to legally change his name to Brandon the Builder, the mythical character in the Game of Thrones saga who built the towering ice Wall that protects the Seven Kingdoms from the Wildlings of the North, and worse. Continue reading “Scott Walker’s Game of Thrones”

Taj Mahal Giving Odds on Trump Presidency

Donald Trump’s Taj Mahal Casino in Atlantic City, NJ is giving 10:1 odds that Trump will be the next President of the United States. The odds are not being set by professional book makers, as they usually are, but by Trump himself. Continue reading “Taj Mahal Giving Odds on Trump Presidency”

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