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The Far Exit

New Social Media Site Permits Only ‘1’s and ‘0’s

In an attempt to accommodate diminishing attention spans and increasing distractions, the new social media website Bitter will allow users to post only the binary values of ‘1’ and ‘0’ but no other characters. Continue reading “New Social Media Site Permits Only ‘1’s and ‘0’s”

Polar Bear Finally Admits that Climate Change is Real

Having long denied that climate change was actually occurring, Paddy the Polar Bear finally grunted his assent that it was happening. Continue reading “Polar Bear Finally Admits that Climate Change is Real”

San Diego Chargers Want Taxpayers to Pay for Players

The San Diego Chargers have long been threatening to move to Los Angeles unless the City of San Diego foots the bill for a new stadium, but recently the Chargers have taken that demand one step further: They want taxpayers to pay for players as well. Continue reading “San Diego Chargers Want Taxpayers to Pay for Players”

Benghazi Committee to Waterboard Hillary Clinton

After aggressively questioning Hillary Rodham Clinton for more than 8 hours on Thursday and generating no new information, the Select Committee on Benghazi has decided to waterboard the former First Lady in the next round. Continue reading “Benghazi Committee to Waterboard Hillary Clinton”

Trump Courts Kate Upton as Trophy VP

NEW YORK – Donald Trump has been talking with Kate Upton about a potential role as a Vice Presidential candidate. “Look, she’s a good looking girl,” says Trump. “Some women just have it. You can use all the handlers in the world, but you can’t coach hot.” Continue reading “Trump Courts Kate Upton as Trophy VP”

Former NCAA Prostitute Recruiter Speaks

In the wake of claims in the book Breaking Cardinal Rules that a former staffer at the University of Louisville hired prostitutes to have sex with recruits, as well as former NBA and University of Michigan basketball player Jalen Rose’s assertion that as a prospect on a recruiting trip, “If I’m not getting laid, I’m not comin’. I’m not signin’,” (Jalen & Jacoby at 09:30 mark) former NCAA prostitute recruiter, Rod McBally, has decided to come clean. Continue reading “Former NCAA Prostitute Recruiter Speaks”

World’s Cheapest e-Car

Two hobbyists working out of a garage have created what they claim to be the world’s cheapest electric car. “We were tired of the 1% getting all the government rebates for e-cars,” said businessman Frank Rudyard. Continue reading “World’s Cheapest e-Car”

Woman Questions Validity of Kirstie Alley Losing Another 50 lbs.

Chicago – Shopper Judy Klingman enjoys reading supermarket tabloids regularly. But there’s one recurring story that irks her to no end. “It seems like every couple of months, I read that Kirstie Alley has lost an another 50 lbs. The math just doesn’t make sense. I mean, shouldn’t she have disappeared by now?” Continue reading “Woman Questions Validity of Kirstie Alley Losing Another 50 lbs.”

New Drug has Side-Effects and No Known Benefits

Currently seeking Phase 3 approval from the Food and Drug Administration (FDA), a new drug called SUFFEREX® boasts a multitude of side-effects with no known benefits. Continue reading “New Drug has Side-Effects and No Known Benefits”

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